#33: Claudia and the Great Search

Tagline: Claudia thinks she's adopted, and no one understands.

Cover: I guess that it's like, a rule that practically every cover has to feature baby sitting of some kind, because instead of actually showing Claudia and the Great Search, it's showing her with Emily Michelle. I don't understand why the Brewers would take a couch and place a chair and table in front of it, but I guess when you're rich and you live in - get this - a mansion, you can afford to have impractical furniture. Claudia is rocking a top-pony, but other than that she doesn't look too wild. Big surprise.

Plot!: Claudia starts to believe that she was adopted, and when she can't find any evidence that proves she wasn't, she decides that she was. She looks for her 'birth parents,' but when she tells her parents what she's discovered it turns out she wasn't adopted after all. Meanwhile, she's been helping Emily Michelle with shapes and colours and stuff, because she knows how it is to be behind everyone in terms of learning. Or something. And in minor subplot land, the Papadakis' grandfather has hurt himself so Kristy has a regular job there.

Points of Interest:

• Claudia thinks that Peaches and Russ can't have kids. That kind of makes her later miscarriage even sadder.
  
• I don't understand Janine's taking community college courses while she's still in high school. Do those count as, like, real college courses? So, theoretically, she could get her degree really soon after finishing high school? Huh. I wonder where Janine really would go to school.
  
• Claudia gets to leave early because Janine is getting a prestigious award...on a Monday afternoon. Oookay.
  
• Claudia gets really snarky about Janine's friends, wondering if they get dressed in the morning by closing their eyes and reaching into their closet. Which I'm sure many people think that about her. Also, she gets huffy because they're wearing checks with plaids, and I'm SURE there's one time where she says something about how she likes to break fashion rules like that. Gah. Claudia was never one of my favourite characters.
  
• Claudia says that Kristy has never missed a meeting, which is a total lie, because Kristy missed one when Louie was sick.
• Kristy says that she has news about Emily Michelle, and Claudia says that they try to keep each other up to date on the kids they sit for. Okay, except it's Kristy's FREAKING SISTER. Why are these girls all so coldly detached?
  
• Apparently "me" (pronounced "meh") is Vietnamese for Mommy.
  
• If Claudia had $250 (Janine's award money amount), she would run to Bellair's Department Store and buy a Day-Glo green sweater with charms knitted into it. I think it's a good thing she does not have the $250.00.
  
• Instead, Janine thinks that she'll put the money towards college. She'd better invest it well, because otherwise $250 will cover about the cost of highlighters for her textbooks.
  
• Claudia decides that she's adopted because there are no baby pictures of her, just her, alone.
  
• Claudia discovers that her mom is certified to teach school in Connecticut.
  
• Ugh. Claudia discovers a locked box in her parents' room, and just knows that her adoption papers are in there, and that's why her parents don't love her as much as Janine. Ugh.
  
• Sam and Charlie went to a play at the high school. Really?
  
• David Michael has a cold, so he talks just like Abby and Hunter Bruno when they have allergies.
  
• OH my Lord. Claudia tells Stacey that she thinks she's adopted, and Stacey's advice? Seach for her birth parents. Not anything reasonable, like talk to your parents.
  
• Argh. Dawn gets upset when Emily Michelle puts something in her mouth, and then starts to compare her to other kids they know, like Gabbie Perkins (robo-tot who plays on a FREAKING softball team!) and Marnie, who, really, is not that much more advanced than Emily.
  
• And then Kristy talks about how Emily is different from Karen, Andrew, and David Michael. Okay, except they did not GROW UP IN AN ORPHANAGE UNTIL THEY WERE TWO. The first years, the first year especially, are HUGELY important for babies' development, not just language and motor skills but also emotional growth. Gah.
  Watson and Elizabeth and Nannie need to spend more time with Emily, reading and talking about shapes, letters, and pictures. And less time needs to be spent comparing Emily to other children.
  
• (This is an area that I work in, so I think I'm extra sensitive to how it's portrayed in these books)
• BLGHAH. Claudia says that Emily doesn't seem to be as smart as everyone else in her family, which is bullshit. First of all, she's a toddler. Second of all, see everything I just wrote.
  
• There's an adoption agency in the phone book (so presumably in Stoneybrook, or Stamford, or close) called Love Bundles, and it only specializes in placing Vietnamese children. I guess that's how it usually works, it just seems odd for the area.
  
• Okay, later she opens the Stamford phone book, so Love Bundles is in Stoneybrook. How many adopted Vietnamese children are there in Stoneybrook?
  
• This book is how I learned that you need to have two keys to open a safety deposit box.
  
• Lois Lowry shoutout! Stacey finds a copy of "Find a Stranger, Say Goodbye" at the Perkins' house (o...kay?) and calls Claudia to tell her it's a story about an adopted girl.
  
• FARGH. There is a student volunteer at the library's reference desk. There are SO MANY things wrong with that. If the Stoneybook Public Library is a unionized workplace, there are SO MANY violations. (Libraries are my field too, so I'm just set off by how improbable everything is. Wait until we get to Mary Anne and the Library Mystery if you want to see arghs.)
• Apparently, all birth announcements automatically go to the local paper. I find that hard to believe. Isn't that an incredible invasion of privacy?
• This part makes the least sense of anything. Claudia thinks that one of the other people born the week she was might really be her. So...if this couple was going to give up their daughter for adoption, they still had an (automatic) baby announcement?
  
• Stacey's parents couldn't have any more kids after Stacey. I think I knew that, but it's one of those things that I forget.
  
• There's a random Krushers practice interlude. These books could have used a good editor.
  
• Chapter 13: Stacey finally suggests that Claudia talk to her parents. FINALLY.
  
• Claudia's parents tell her she's not adopted. And they have an explanation for everything: they didn't take pictures because they were busy, Claudia looks like a combination of both of her parents, her birth was announced in the Stoneybrook Gazette, the special locked box has $500 in it (for emergencies). A LIKELY STORY.
  
• In the end, Emily is accepted into preschool for the following fall (too bad she'll be two and a half forever) and Claudia accepts that she's a Kishi by birth and makes tentative peace with Janine. The end.
  

Final Thought: Doing a post a day has really taken it out of me, so I feel like this one isn't as snarky as it could have been. I will try to update more frequently, though, in the future, so stick around for that.

#78: Claudia and Crazy Peaches

Tagline: Claudia's aunt Peaches is back. Let the games begin!

Cover: Yes...those crazy waiter games! The cover depicts a scene from the book, where Claudia and Crazy Peaches make (or buy?) dinner for the family, then dress up like waiters. But why does Claudia have something like a plain black vest? That's not crazy! Maybe Peaches brought it...it's not quite clear. Anyway. Aside from looking like they've maybe poisoned the family, this cover is pretty unremarkable.

Plot!: Peaches and Russ move back to Stoneybrook, and they are also expecting a baby. Claudia gets really excited and spends lots of time with Crazy Peaches, because she's just so much fun. But then Claudia needs some time to herself, and Peaches doesn't take that well, and they have a fight. Then Peaches loses the baby, and Claudia is convinced it's her fault. But they make up, and Peaches and Russ decide to start trying again soon for another baby. In the subplot, Natalie Springer becomes a BSC charge, and she's friendless, and becomes clingy with Claudia, so the BSC starts a Friendship Campaign for Natalie (no, really).

Points of Interest:

• "Have you ever ahd one of those tingly feelings - the kind that tells you something is going to happen, but you're not sure what or when or where?" I feel like Claudia is oversharing here.
• There's a Wizard of Oz reference on the second page. It's starting to become like I Love Lucy!
• Thankfully, Claudia describes her own skin as "clear," not "creamy."
• At the beginning of the book, Claudia is already really behind in her English class. I almost want to tell her not to bother catching up, because she's going to fail anyway (at least one of the times she finishes the eighth grade).
  
• I wonder how old Peaches is, and what the age difference is between her and Claudia's mom. Peaches and Russ met in College, according to a story Peaches tells Claudia in one of the Friends Forever books, and Claudia has only ever known her as Peaches. So if she was 20 when she met Russ, let's say Claudia was born around that time, Peaches would be in her early 30s. Claudia's parents have always seemed older than that to me.
  
• According to Claudia, Bart is "crazy" about Kristy. There's a lot of craziness in this book. Also: really?
• So Russ and Peaches, who is two months pregnant, are going to move into Claudia's house for awhile, and immediately the BSC goes crazy (theme?) with plans - Kristy's going to keep her fit, Jessi is going to force her to listen to classical music, Mallory is going to monitor her journal writing. I would have politely told these kids where to stuff it.
  
• The Natalie subplot is boring. It seems like the BSC is always trying to change kids to get other kids to like them.
  
• Russ calls Peaches "little mother." I'm glad he doesn't have facebook, or else I might have to submit him to STFU, Marrieds or STFU, Parents.
• Claudia and Peaches spend gobs of money on baby furniture, supplies, and clothing...and she's still only two months pregnant! Who does this? They're not even living in their new house yet!
  
• They go to see Bringing Up Baby, because they think it's about a baby. It's not, but they love it anyway. Because Claudia, who is barely literate, really love old black-and-white movies from the 1930s. (Bringing up Baby is a good movie, and it's totally logical that a teenager might like it, because I liked it myself when I was around 13...I just don't see Claudia as a big fan. She'd like color movies, like a big splashy musical...or The Wizard of Oz.)
  
• Are you ready for your stereotypes? The Italian man at the gourmet shop is called Guiseppe DeSalvio and he looks just like Chef Boyardee. He speaks English, except for words like "signorina" and "bambino."
  
• Ugh. As if we haven't had our fill of old movies, the flower stand (a flower stand?) is called Zuzu's Petals.
• Heh. Claudia's gym teacher told her that sparkle socks were inappropriate for gym class. But doesn't she know that Claudia is an artist?
• Peaches calls Claudia a sulky teenager. Normally I'm on the side of the grownups in these things, but Peaches seems really...immature. She wants Claudia to blow off school to look at wallpaper or something, and isn't able to look at people beyond herself. She seems really ill-equipped to be dealing with parenthood.
• Claudia immediately thinks that because she was mad at Peaches, she caused the miscarriage, just like she thinks she caused Mimi's stroke. I want to say that it's really self-important of her, but it's kind of true of people to think like that.
  
• Stacey has a new hat that she's really proud of: it's velvet, with patches of different colours, and has cool beadwork around the brim. Sure.
  

Final Thoughts: Since I haven't read it yet, you can get a perspective on this book's follow-up Claudia and the World's Cutest Baby over at Dibbly Fresh.

Mystery #11: Claudia and the Mystery at the Museum

Tagline: What kind of crook would steal art?

Cover: Apparently Claudia, the art savant, has never heard of an art thief. Or the cover writer hasn't. Anyway, this cover...has a lot of look. First of all, the background is quite purple. My copy is more pinkish purple than this picture looks, with the reddish "Mystery #11" in big letters. Right smack in the middle is Claudia, in a look that's also described in the book. She's with Corrie Addison and Marilyn-or-Carolyn Arnold, actually I think it's Marilyn because she has the longer hair. Corrie looks like how I imagine a mini-Mary Anne to be. Claudia has the same "whuh?" look on her face that she also has at The Mystery at Claudia's House (there is no mystery, by the way - spoiler?) and also in the illustration of her in Snowbound.

Plot!: Claudia, who likes art, by the way, did you know that? Anyway, she's really excited about this new sculpture exhibit at the conveniently opened Stoneybrook Museum. While she's there with some kids, some ancient coins are stolen. Claudia decides she's on the case! With the rest of the BSC, of course. So while they do their typically stupid stuff to chase criminals, they eventually find out that the real bad guy is the janitor, and not the two-eyed man.

While they're doing this, Claire Pike wants to be a STAAAHH! And she has a video of her singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" that she drags all over Stoneybrook, trying to get herself discovered. Eventually, she moves on, because she's five.

Points of Interest:

• Even though I just said that I hadn't read this one before, I totally have. The subplot about Claire and her 'Over the Rainbow' video was very clear, and I knew the basics of the museum plot.
  
• Remember in Kristy and the Secret of Susan, how Susan is withdrawn but then plays the piano? Or can say the date of something? That's what Claudia reminds me of, when she goes from being barely literate to spouting out all of this random art stuff.
• Don Newman, this famous sculptor, supposedly lives in Stoneybrook. For a small town, Stoneybrook sure has a lot of famous artsy people living in it.
  
• Claudia really wants to go see the sculptures in the museum, so she makes a plan - that involves also taking Corrie Addison and the Arnold twins. I get that she wants to share art with these kids, but couldn't she just do something on her own? I'm going to have to start commenting on stuff like that or else I'm never going to get through the whole series.
  
• If the BSC members were animals, what animals would they be? It must be Chapter Two time! Kristy = dog, Mary Anne = koala (?) Claudia = parrot, Stacey = jungle cat, Dawn = dolphin, Mallory = a horse like Black Beauty, Jessi = a dancing Lipizzaner, Logan = hawk, and Shannon = cat.
  
• The museum is part art gallery, part science center, part interpretive center, all in one. I would love to see their mandate or collection policy.
  
• Claudia's first list of suspects: a janitor, a man with one blue aye and one green eye, and a Brownie troop.
  
• After like, two seconds, the BSC decides they're going to solve the mystery. Because that's normal behaviour for a group of 13 year olds.
  
• Watson didn't give any money to the museum. I find that weird, but maybe he was tapped out after spending lots of money to take his stepdaughter's friends on all kinds of trips.
  
• I really don't think I could care any less about the Pikes going shopping.
  
• Claudia calls something 'super-chilly', which she explains means 'cool.' Lame.
  
• All of the girls get really excited at the museum, thinking of all of the kids who would love a place like this. Can't they just like it for themselves without wondering what Charlotte Johanssen will think of it?
• When Claudia talks about Don Newman's sculpture 'Daphne,' that looks like a woman and a tree, I always think of like, a woman's torso, but on a skewed angle. Made of brown clay. Having that mental image was one of the ways that I knew I had read this one before.
  
• Claudia, thinking that Daphne might be a fake, goes to harrass the curator, who reacts about the way you'd expect if a 13 year old came in and starting barking about art thefts and forgeries. And then she steals papers from his desk, and for the rest of the book they call him a creep and a thief. These girls need to chill.
  
• Speaking of needing to chill, everyone makes a big deal about Claire wanting to be an actress. First of all, she's five. It's a phase. She wants attention - she has seven brothers and sisters! Secondly, let her parents deal with her being disappointed or whatever. They're her parents! Thirdly, just because you want to do something for one day doesn't mean that you're always going to want to do it. I know that Vanessa is a super-poet, Mallory a writer, Jessi a dancer, Claudia an artist, etc. but other people have phases! Let her outgrow it - she's five!
• Mrs. Arnold is taking her daughters to the museum? A parent doing something with their own children?! This is highly irregular.
• The security guard tells Jessi that there isn't really any more security at the museum? Why not just broadcast it in case any other thieves have any ideas.
  
• Claudia phones up Don Newman to talk to him about his sculptures. Instead of being somewhat wary, he invites Claudia and her father to his fancy party. That's similar to what happened to Mallory when she stalked Henrietta Hayes, isn't it, where she shows up at her house and ends up becoming her assistant.
  
• A lot of time is spent on Claudia wondering what to call Don Newman - Don, or Mr. Newman. This happens a lot in BSC books. Maybe ANM wanted people to call her Ms. Martin when they saw her.
  
• Claudia acts like a lunatic, dragging Don Newman away from his party, making baseless accusations against the curator, and racing into dead ends.
  
• At the party to celebrate Don Newman's sculpture exhibit, the sculptures....have already been taken down. It was a one-week exhibition? At a new gallery? It seems really short to me - I would have thought they might want to milk it for a bit longer. Maybe they have a new hot Stoneybrook talent all lined up - oh, wait, no, the curator tells Claudia that they want to do an exhibit of youth art, including her stuff. Right.
  
• The book ends with a pizza toast. Yawn.
  

Final Thought: I think Marilyn Arnold's cover outfit is a lot wilder than Claudia's.

#40: Claudia and the Middle School Mystery

Tagline: How could anyone accuse Claudia of cheating?

Cover: "Hmm. This is very odd." That's what I imagine Mr. Zorzi saying. Is that who it is? I get him and Mr. Zizmore mixed up. Anyway, while he's murmuring "veeeery peculiar...", Claudia is busy being all "like, I don't KNOW!" and Shawna is...looking kind of like how I imagine Shannon Kilbourne to look. As in, she's kind of dressing like Janine, but trendier. Speaking of dressing, Claudia's outfit is not outrageous. What Claudia wore was boring. It's jeans, a shirt, and a vest. With earrings. And her hair is pulled back. Maybe something wild is happening below the picture. But you know if they described it, it would totally be like, "Claudia was wearing another one of her wild outfits. She had jeans that flared at the knee into day-glo yellow pleats. She was wearing a man's blue dress shirt with white stripes all over it and her sleeves were rolled up to the elbow. Over that she had layered this funky brown vest. She had dangly earrings and her hair was all piled on top of her head. It would look weird on someone else, but Claudia was totally pulling it off."

In real time, when this book was published (1991), Claudia would have been 17.

Plot!: Claudia has been studying with Janine to bring up her math grade. She gets an awesome mark on a test, but then her teacher accuses her of cheating off of Shawna Riverson. Claudia knows she is innocent, so she sets out to prove it, through such great plans as breaking into her locker or saying words like "cheat" and "lie" over and over again. That doesn't work, so Janine goes right to the principal and gets Claudia another chance. Cornered, Shawna finally confesses and Claudia celebrates with cookies and cake.

Meanwhile, one of the Pike triplets breaks a window, but they won't say who did it. They are grounded and it's all uncomfortable at home. Eventually they reenact it and it's found at that none of them broke the window because they all did, or something dumb like that.

Continuity Fairy: Claudia isn't really dumb, she just...blah blah blah, or something. They are really inconsistent with Claudia and whether or not she has a learning disability.

Points of Interest:

• When she's describing herself, Claudia says she has long black hair and almond-shaped eyes. Why would she talk about the shape, but not the colour? Oh, that's right, because she has to make sure we know she's Japanese-American.
• The teacher is Mr. Zorzi. But he's just a sub.
  
• Janine would be happy wearing a white blouse, plaid skirt, red cardigan, and flat shoes. Me too! Except I'd like a pair of pants, too.
  
• Claudia's lucky earrings are Princess Di knock-offs. She's also planning on wearing black leather high-tops and a tie-dyed T-shirt dress. Hot?
• Stacey tells Claud to chill out about the test because by the time of the next BSC meeting, the test will be over. I totally use that as a coping strategy.
  
• Yes, Watson lives in a mansion. The rest of them need to get over it.
  
• Claudia is surprised that Mary Anne is allowed to have a boyfriend. But does Mr. Spier even know about Logan? I know he must, and he knows they spend time together. Maybe he thinks Logan is just a friend? I haven't read "Logan Likes Mary Anne!" in a long time.
• Claudia calls Dawn absolutely gorgeous. Bizarre.
  
• Wait. She also calls Dawn mellow, which is absolutely 100% not true. Try Dawn Save the Planet, or Dawn and the School Spirit War, or basically any Dawn book.
• Most awkward chapter two segue ever: "There's this secret passage in that old farmhouse, and someday I'm sure Dawn will catch the ghost that she believes lives there. I don't think Stacey believes in the ghost."
  
• Claudia gets an A-on the test. Go, Claudia. Maybe you should listen to Janine more often.
  
• Claudia's blood ran cold. Her memories had just been sold! Er, Mr. Zorzi called her a cheater.
  
• Mr. Zorzi handles this really badly. He doesn't know the students, and they both have the same test, and he's just all "Shawna, I believe you when you say you didn't do it, even though that's totally what the person who cheated would say."
  
• As if Claudia knows who Emily Dickinson is.
  
• How much of an allowance do the Pike kids get? The triplets have to give up their allowance until the broken window is paid for. Where do the Pikes get all this money?
• Mmm, tacos. Delicious. But it's hard to picture Janine eating a taco.
  
• Oh my Lord. Claudia convinces her parents not to get involved. I don't understand why they have to handle all of this stuff themselves. Her parents should have been like, "No, Claudia, this is serious, and we have to deal with this." Maybe then she could have gotten a re-write and all of the other dumb stuff wouldn't have had to happen.
  
• I like it better when Janine and Claudia are friends, like in this book. It humanizes both of them.
  
• Claudia talks about being in her pyjamas. I wonder if it's that weird negligee thing from the cover of Claudia and the Bad Joke. Hey, look. Her earrings are the same.
  
• Kristy makes Claudia's problem the club's problem. I could definitely not deal with all of these girls up in my business.
  
• Heh. Mary Anne pretty much accuses Claudia of cheating, and then SHE gets upset. Mary Anne is totally going use passive-aggressive tactics when she gets older.
  
• California-cool, mellow Dawn suggest breaking into Shawna's locker. When I was in grade eight, our lockers didn't even have locks on them.
  
• Claudia decides they don't need a search warrant because they aren't looking for a pistol, just a note. It's all evidence, Claud! Remind me not to hire her as my lawyer.
  
• Adam likes Al-cay Ipken-ray Unior-jay over Ave-day Infield-way.
  
• Kristy makes fun of Susan Taylor because all she does is shop and get perms. How is this different from Stacey?
• Dawn's sort of a badass in this one. Meanwhile, Mary Anne is extra-drippy.
  
• I wish I could snark more on Claudia's strategy of having Shawna confess by saying the words CHEAT and COPY a lot, but that's totally how it works in old-school Perry Mason. And if it's good enough for Perry...


• Claudia decides to stage a re-enactment of the the cheating, because just like last time, she won't cheat, but Shawna would. It's fool proof!
• Claudia dresses as Ms. Frizzle as The Sea. Of course. And then she has to go to the Principal's office! Awesome.
  
• Mr. Zorzi gives this strange basketball-is-life metaphor to Claudia before telling her she passed. Thanks, Mr. Zorzi.
  
• The BSC meeting turns into a party. Wild.
  
• There's this weird side-bar devoted to the Pike triplets' baseball-card collecting philosophy. Why not just end the book early instead of filling it with details like that?

Final Thought: For someone who reads a lot of mysteries, Claudia is spectacularly bad at solving this one. Maybe because it's NOT A MYSTERY.